“You can die without ever realizing what your feeling was. It was your feeling, but you didn’t feel it; it was your thought, but you didn’t think it; the experience was yours, but you didn’t understand anything of it. So the experience keeps repeating as if your life is eternally chewing on the same piece failing to ever swallow it.” Merab Mamardashvili
This is how great feelings die… Or rather this is how we kill great feelings. Only we are to be blamed for the “killing”. We are either a good or a bad master of ourselves and what happens to us is solely our fault, always…
There are many people around us who have reached the elderly age still expecting or failing to find love. They name a number of excuses to explain the fact, actually forgetting that
“your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” (Rumi).
We sometimes build barriers so high that we can’t even see ourselves. And if we fail to see and find ourselves, then how are we going to find others or find ourselves in others?
I saw a movie a couple of days ago. “Closer” features really famous and talented actors. I expected quite a thing, so sitting down comfortably I started to watch it. But I was very disappointed in the end to have lost 1 hour and 44 minutes. Below the description of the movie I read the review saying “I expected more because of the cast…” “It’s not worth watching” and something like that. Then I reflected for a while – why would the director feature such famous actors in a senseless and crappy movie?
In short, the plot is about two women and two men from London who become couples. Throughout the whole movie they are trying to find out who they are actually in love with. They swap the partners, then cry realizing they did the wrong thing and return to the old partners. It’s about an endless uncertainty of feelings going on in the movie.
In the end I realized that the plot is not at all absurd. This is our reality. This is what we – human beings – actually are, never knowing what we want, who we want, who we crave to be happy with.
The root of the problem is that we find it difficult and are often too lazy to think; we are lazy to think over our feelings that can make us happy. Sometimes on the contrary, we think too much, even to the point that we fail to want anything at all. Excessive thinking always leads to doubts perhaps even unfounded, thus never letting us be happy.
You should feel the happiness in spontaneous and instant actions and not in calculated and measured ones. So go ahead and seize the moment of happiness!
Find and love each other!